Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
