Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
