i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
