Can Purell be used as lube?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
