I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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