But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
