Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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