I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
