Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
