Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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