so that wasnt chicken after all
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
