no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
