my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
