I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
