ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
