All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i wish my penis had a tongue
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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