Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I need to calm my uterus...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize