Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
