I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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