she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
