So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
