I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
