I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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