why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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