Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
