Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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