laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
