i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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