Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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