i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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