i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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