We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
my shit smells like andre
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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