i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
