Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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