I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
