I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
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