but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
