If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize