I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
