One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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