peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
