ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
