Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
