i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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