A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
