Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
BRING THE BAGELS
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
