Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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