I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
