okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So much Jack, so little girl.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
