i don't plan on having that self control this summer
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize