I want to have your abortion
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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