Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
