dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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