yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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