remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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