$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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