I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
