I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
