Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
how drunk are you?
Several
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
