apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize