That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
