she told me i tasted like america
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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