I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize