Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
