And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I am one with the molecules
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
