my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
